You love blog updates about my little quirks and idiosyncracies.  Admit it.

No?  Not so much?  Well, tough!  Andrea (tweets95) tagged me and you're just going to have to deal with it, suckas!

When I was forced to take priveleged enough to chaperone the sixth grade boys on their sex education field trip, the girls stayed behind with Tanya, my teaching partner.  They had a whole day of girl-power type education and when I came back at the end of the day I could tell they all felt totally kickass about being girls.  It was great.  Part of their day included writing an "I Am" poem about themselves.  Those poems gave me so much insight into the minds of my girls, and when I saw Andrea's post (which is almost exactly like the form of an "I Am" poem) I couldn't wait to write one of my own.  So here goes...

I AM a friend, a teacher, and a dogmom.
I WANT to be better at all of those roles.
I WISH my thighs were thinner and my hair was thicker.
I MISS climbing trees and playing baseball with my brothers.
I HEAR dog nails on the wood floor ALL THE TIME.
I WONDER if I'll ever have children and what they'll be like if I do.
I REGRET gossiping almost every time I do it.
I AM NOT organized, but I'm working on it.
I DANCE at the grocery store, in my car, in my room when I'm getting ready...everywhere.
I PRETEND to be in a good mood for my class when I'm really not.
I WRITE when I can, but most of the time I just don't know what to say.
I CONFUSE the details of stories almost every time I tell one.
I NEED to be more patient.  With everyone.
I SHOULD not be a procrastinator, but I think I'm hardwired that way.
I START a million things that I will never finish.
I FINISH every book I start, even if I don't like it that much.
I TAG everyone who just read this!  Have fun!

Jenni, I'm not a blog tease.  I'm a busy woman.  Summer vacations are very demading, you know.  Sheesh.  BESIDES, I've just been waiting for a worthy reason to blog, and you, my dear, have provided me with one.  A meme!  A PHOTO meme!  It doesn't get any better than this, folks!

1.  Share the worst photo of yourself you have, preferrably a recent one.

The possibilities here are endless.  I am forever making silly faces anytime someone points a camera in my general direction.  Lots of these pictures have already been posted online.  Here are some examples:




I can't forget this one:



Oh, and this one:

 

But we all know the picture you really want to see.  It's the worst picture ever taken of me.  And I know I said that I would never show it to anyone, but that was before some wounds had healed, and now they have.  Besides, it's important for you to know that if you're going to be friends with me, you will, at some point in our relationship, see me crying.  And I don't mean quiet, ladylike, dab-your-eyes-with-a-hanky crying.  No, no.  I'm talking about the full-on, cathardic, wailing-like-a-baby, snot-running-into-your-mouth type of crying that only happens when a well-built dam in you breaks under the force of an emotional earthquake that would blow the Richter scale out of the water.  It's the risk (one of many) you take when you chose to be my close friend.  

But anyway...the picture:  

1.  I was drunker than I had ever been in this picture.  I threw up about 15 seconds after I opened one eye to take it.
2.  I had been crying for a good 30 minutes by this time.
3.  Yes, Tara always looks that good.
4.  The guy is Scott - the buyer of the drinks that got me so drunk to begin with.  He and Jake (riding in the front seat) had just finished serenading me with "You've Lost That Loving Feeling"...they didn't sound anything like the Righteous Brothers, and it was an incredibly inappropriate song choice, but the sentiment was nice.

2.  Share a current photo of yourself when you've just woken up.  Walk into the bathroom and just take it, under the harsh bathroom lights.

This is as good as you're going to get because I don't really want to wait until tomorrow to take another one:



It's right after I got out of the shower, which is exactly how I look when I've just woken up - just with wet hair.

3.  Share the nicest photo you have of yourself.  Again, preferrably a current one.  

My favorite recent picture is this one of Jenni and me:



We haven't had a decent picture of the two of us in I don't know how long, so when she came to my party last weekend with THE MOST BEAUTIFUL HAIR EVER, I knew it was the perfect time to get our perfect picture. :)

This one isn't so bad either:



That's my nephew, Julian.  My brother took this when we were eating at Texas Roadhouse, and it's my favorite picture of us.  I just love how happy he looks in this picture.  

I don't actually have any pictures of me looking NICE, like in a dress or anything because I'm not cool enough to go to any kind of event that requires dressing up.  Sooomedaaay...

4.  Special category -- whatever you'd like!!

And I liiiiike - STUPID THINGS I WEAR ON MY HEAD!!!

BEHOLD THE STUPIDITY!!!!









Consider yourselves TAGGED, everyone!  Show us your worst, your best, and maybe even the stupid things you wear on your head! :)

I have very mindlessly been floating through the last few weeks.  Even though my summer vacation doesn't officially start until June 1^st,  my brain has been prematurely enjoying the break for quite some time.  I feel like a sack of potatoes could do my job right now.  That's how involved I am.  It's sad, but I've been ready for this year to be over since it started.  I like my class.  I like my class.  I like my class.  Yeah, that's really all there is to say right now.

A few people have nudged me and asked me if I'm going to blog anymore.  The answer is yes.  I will still blog.  I don't know what's been wrong with me lately.  Sharing my personal life so freely with people started to freak me out a little bit, and I suddenly became very protective of the private details of my everyday existence.  Whatever.  I'm over it now.  My life isn't all that interesting anyway, so what is there to worry about?

So, since I'm supposed to be teaching right now, I'll give you a quick list update of what's been going on with me in the last few weeks.  That's right.  When I make a comeback, I make a comback with a vengence...and A LIST!

A Bunch of Non-Blogworthy Baloney That I Didn't Want to Talk About Until Now

• I went to St. Louis again and FINALLY got the hang of Dance Dance Revolution.  Thank you, sweet brain-to-foot coordination for finally kicking in.  I knew you were there all along. 
• I moved!  Tara and I are now living together in a tiny little house with loud, obnoxious, rap-blaring neighbor kids who I can't stand.  BUT it doesn't even matter because it's so nice to have someone to talk to all the time.  Who's afraid of the Big Bad Loneliness?  Not me, suckas! 
• I ran another 5k, and it wasn't all that bad...except for the wanting to pass out part.  Pekin has had a freakishly high number of high school students die this year in car accidents, and the parents of some of the kids decided to sponsor a 5k in their honor.  The course was lined with huge pictures of them going to dances, posing with family members, hanging out with their friends...just being young and not having a clue about anything.  It was a sad race to run, but I'm glad I did it.  The parents were very touched by how many people showed up to run for their children.
• I started dating someone that I've dated before.  I know, I know - sounds a little too familiar, right?  Don't worry - it's NOT Mr. C.  Anyway, he bought me a conch shell while he was in Mexico on vacation with his family.  It makes me feel like I'm right in the middle of Lord of the Flies, which is great, but that's not even my favorite part.  Favorite Part #1: He told his sister that he didn't know what to get me, but that it didn't matter because I was one of those cool girls that would like anything he got because it meant he was thinking about me.  Favorite Part #2: He thought about me. 
• I've been packing up my classroom and dealing with 24 stir-crazy adolescents that refuse to sit still for longer than 30 seconds at a time.  Ideally, we would be spending this period reminiscing about the fun times we've had this year and talking about how much we'll miss each other, but we aren't doing a whole lot of that.  We're doing a whole lot of Seat Work that will Keep Them Quiet and not make me Go Insane.  Oh!  And we're dissecting owl pellets, which is a ton of fun.  Oh!  And we went to the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago and it was really great.  Oh!  And we're about ready to become the champions in the school wide kickball tournament.  I play first base for my team, and we are kicking butt!  So maybe things aren't all that bad, and maybe I'm just being a big crank. :)

All told, it's been an interesting time lately.  Everything is different, everything is crazy, but everything is still okay.  My dog likes Tara's dog, school is almost out, I start my first master's class tonight, we're having a "Yay!  We found a house!" party next weekend, and I am the proud new owner of a conch shell.  How could things get any better?

Blogging hiatus: Over

Thanks for bugging me.  That felt pretty good. :)

Sitting at my desk.  Smelling flowers.  Writing notes for my grade level meeting tonight.  Worrying about my grade level meeting tonight.  The kids being too quiet.  Editing photos.  Waiting for lunch to hurry up and get here already.  Answering questions.  Emailing  the counselor about a field trip.  Creating invitations to a work party.  Collecting homework.  Telling Larry to turn around and work for the hundredth time.  Retaping my posters to the wall.  Considering the decorating scheme of my new house.  Rearranging the books on the shelf behind my desk.  Teaching.  Speaking.  Walking.  Thinking.  Breathing.  

The question...

What is making me tired right now?

Sigh...I need more sleep.

• I got to make a gluten-free, psychadelic, Thomas the Train cake with Jenni! What? That doesn't sound like fun? Well, it was! We made and decorated a cake for her nephew's fourth birthday. I have pictures, but I can't get to them right now - the reason for which will be discussed in an upcoming bullet, so just keep your shirt on! No, really...please keep it on. This isn't that kind of blog.
• Kristy's birthday was on Sunday, so they decided to have a barbeque on Saturday to celebrate. Molly made strawberry pie. I would seriously maim someone for Molly's strawberry pie. It is that good. Kristy's friend Dusty was drunk by 9:00, and started to do a strip show for us. I, along with everyone else there, got pictures. You will see them eventually.
• Molly's birthday was on Monday and to celebrate we all went to lunch and then shopping. Kristy made Rice Krispie Treats. I would also seriously maim someone for Kristy's Rice Krispie Treats. I realize it's just cereal, butter, and marshmallows, but she does such a good job. I personally like to call them Rice Kristy Treats, but no one thinks that's as cute as I do.
• Monday and Tuesday nights I got to hang out with Tara at a couple of bars to see the Mike and Carrie Show - an acoustic act with cover songs by everyone from Alanis Morrisette to Poison. Mike is one fifth of the band Up for Grabs, a local group that plays cover songs that tend to appeal to the college-age folks around here. Carrie is a girl with a great voice. Her rendition of Outkast's "Hey Ya" is quickly becoming one of my favorite songs. They play every Monday night at Martini's in downtown Peoria, so stop by if you want to catch a great show.
• And that brings us to right now (almost 10:30 on Wednesday night) - the best bullet on the list, as well as the reason I can't get to my pictures right now. I'm in St. Louis hanging with my best friend - known to most of you as Jenni, but to some others who read this blog as The Great and Almighty Schnozz. It's not at all unusual for me to be hanging out with Jenni. We're together at least one weekend a month. It's just that usually, that one weekend a month happens back in Illinois because her family and friends are there so she comes back a lot to visit. This is the first time I've been to her new place in St. Louis, and I'm telling you guys, it really does look like a nightclub! It's awesome! Pretty soon we're going to play Dance Dance Revolution on her GINORMOUS projection TV, and it is going to rock hardcore. So far today we've eaten at a cool local hipster hangout, visited lots of random little (antique, jewelry, mod furniture) shops, watched a great show while the hilarious chef at Kobe Steakhouse of Japan prepared our food, and ate the richest chocolate brownie I've ever had at a little place called the Chocolate Bar. Plus, I got the extreme pleasure of meeting Leesa, my new favorite person. She's just as fun, smart and bubbly as I knew she'd be. Besides getting to hang out with an awesome girl, I now can say that I have two (TWO!) friends in St. Louis. Yay! I totally feel like a country girl in the big city, but it's very fun. I love St. Louis! I want to live here! Jenni is totally brainwashing me and I'm totally okay with it!

Several of my very good friends are runners, but the allure of running has always been a mystery to me - the sweating, the soreness, the general discomfort...I've just never been a fan.  I'm not a little girl by any means, and my knees don't especially enjoy a jog, so running is usually pretty hard for me.  In a million years, I never would have dreamed that I would even enjoy watching running let alone taking up the sport myself, but that all changed when Molly and I went to see Melissa run the Chicago Marathon in October.  The atmosphere there was just incredible.  People were cheering for complete strangers, runners were wearing goofy costumes, and the streets were jam-packed with thousands of friendly faces.  It was unreal. 

Until very recently (read: until the weather started getting warmer), I still had no desire to get out there and run, but then something happened to motivate me.  Molly, Kristy, Melissa, Shelly and Michelle were all planning on running in the Eat 'Em Up 5k in downtown Peoria on Saturday.  They were so excited about it, and it got me really excited too...sooo, I ran a 5k this weekend. That may not seem like a big deal to any of you until you consider the following:

• I have not run on a regular basis since I had gym class in high school.
• I graduated from high school in 1998.
• I have never run more than one mile at a time.

I know what you're thinking right now, because I was thinking the same thing as I lined up to run on Saturday.  What kind of nut thinks she can run 3.1 miles with no running experience whatsoever?  I had absolutely no confidence at all that I would be able to run any farther than a mile before I'd have to walk the rest of the way.  Fortunately, I was wrong!

I ran almost the whole way - stopping only 4 times for about 30 seconds each time.  I ended up finishing in just over 34 minutes, which isn't a great time, but it's a starting point.  Hopefully it's not an ending point too.  I'm still sore! :)    

Okay, okay, you blood-thirsty, Sam-loving fruitcakes! I'll tell you the rest of the drunken weekend story. But I'm sorry - you still don't get to see the worst picture of me ever taken. No amount of begging will get that out of me.

First of all, St. Patrick's Day was a blast. We pre-partied at Molly's and then went downtown to where the BUBdom began to have a jolly old time. Molly dressed up in a green Ronald McDonald-style wig that looked kind of scary...we took pictures, but she is refusing to let me post a link so you can see how fully into the St. Patty's Day spirit she was. Sure, hundreds of people in downtown Peoria got to see her, but the SIX people that read my blog? Don't even think about it! :) Still, if you were inventive, you could find these incriminating pictures. I'll tell you what. The first person to find them will get a batch of my world-famous peanut butter cup cookies. Molly, you don't count. Neither do you, Kristy. Ha.

I hadn't seen Tara on Friday, so I was looking forward to hanging out with her on Saturday night.  Little did I know that hanging out with Tara would mean seeing The Band.  My ex-new friend plays bass in The Band.  I hadn't seen my ex-new friend since he broke up with me over the phone (Thanks for that, by the way!  That was super sweet!), but I thought I could handle it, so I accepted.  Tara said some of her fun friends were going to be with us, which actually made me look forward to seeing The Band, but I shouldn't have been so foolishly hopeful.

My ex-new friend was the first person I saw when I walked through the door of the bar, but I didn't want to make eye contact with him (because I'm THAT mature, folks) so I looked away before he saw me.  A few minutes later he said hello and I said hello and that was about it...still, that's all it took for me to come crashing down.  I wanted to go home.  I should have gone home.  Instead, I decided to drink myself into oblivion.  

One of Tara's fun friends turned out to be a super-rich, generous friend as well.  He bought drinks for all of us the entire night, so every time there was a drink in front of me, I guzzled it right down.  And let me tell you - there were a lot of drinks in front of me.  By the end of the night, I was so out-of-my-mind drunk that I was crying about my ex-new friend at the table.  Tara asked me if I wanted to go home (I think), and I most definitely did, so we got out of there.  We had to call a cab because all of us were past the point of being able to drive, and it was the longest, fastest, most nausea-inducing cab ride I've ever been on.  I kept my eyes closed to keep from throwing up, but even that wasn't helping much.  At some point, Tara said something about me forgetting to bring my camera into the bar, and I said, "OhIhaveitI'lltakeapicturehangon."  I fumbled through my purse for it, and when I found it, I held it in front of me, opened one eye, and took the picture (me, Tara, and the super-rich, generous friend).  That five seconds of having one eye open was all it took for me to lose the very precarious hold I had on the contents of my stomach.  I yelled at the driver to pull over and my vomit MIRACULOUSLY made it OUTSIDE of the cab.  OUTSIDE!  I was so proud of myself!  But oh-so-sick!

When I finally stumbled into my apartment, I spent an hour hanging out with my toilet.  We are best friends now.  My toilet is the most humble, selfless creature I know.  Thank you, potty.  Thank you so much.  The time we shared will not be forgotten - I promise you that.

I woke up about six hours later to a suspiciously spinning bedroom.  "Wait a minute," I thought.  "I'm pretty sure bedrooms aren't supposed to do this."  I had to puke again.  And I did.  Sigh.  Not a fun morning.

All day Sunday, and even all day Monday, I could feel the effects of the alcohol.  Monday I wanted to take a picture with the camera I keep in my purse, and when I turned it on I saw the worst picture I've ever seen.  Me.  Running makeup.  One eye open.  Red faced.  Barely able to hold my head up.  The picture screamed rock bottom.  A very smart friend of mine told me I'd see this point, and that I would know it when I did.  This was it.  I was there.  I had spent all night pining for an immature jerk that didn't want to have anything to do with me, and I had let the fact that he didn't want anything to do with me turn me into a drunk, crying, pathetic, whiny shell of the person I truly want to be.  Looking at the woman in that picture felt like looking at someone I had never seen before...someone I had been turning into, I guess, but I must have been the last one to know.  It's okay that nobody told me though - it really was something I had to see for myself.  

So I'm keeping that picture, and every time I feel like life is getting too hard and that it can't get any worse, I'm going to look at myself in that sorry condition and remember what that night was like, not to mention the next two days.  My strength comes and goes...I never noticed it before, but I can see it now that I'm writing.  Sometimes I feel like I'm on top of the world and nothing can get to me, and other times the slightest mishap can send me reeling.  The good news is that my strength is with me more often than not.  That didn't used to be true, but it's getting better.  And I won't have another night like Saturday because I'm starting to learn my limits...and I'm not talking about alcohol...I'm talking about my heart.     

I've been nudged, folks.  I've been formally nudged to write a post.  I've never been nudged before.  I didn't even know you could do that.  Thanks, Josh!  :)

Unfortunately, it's very late and I need to go bed soon, so instead of a full-blown post, you're going to get a list.  Come on, you love my lists.  Admit it.

Lame-Ass Excuses for Why I Haven't Devoted Much Time to the Blog Lately 

1.  I went to the gym for wallyball.  I used to play wallyball with four guyfriends of mine every Wednesday, but the Christmas season (excuse me, HOLIDAY season) really messed with our schedules, and then we sort of just dropped it.  A few weeks ago we started playing again, and it felt awesome.  If you've never heard of wallyball (I was surprised to hear that lots of people hadn't), it's just volleyball that you play on a racquetball court.  You can hit the ball against the wall and it counts, so all of my wayward shots that would be out in volleyball actually serve me well in this game!  Hooray for sucking at something but making it work for you elsewhere!
 
2.  I went to the gym for something other than wallyball.  It's almost time to ditch the bulky sweaters in favor of cute little polos and capri pants.  Do you want to stare at my backfat and kankles all summer?  No?  Well, then I'm going to have to kill myself work out on the elliptical machine for at least thirty minutes a day, AS WELL AS use all the Nautilus machines to tone up my already buff (under all that fat) muscles.  Don't mess with me.  I could totally take you.

3.  I have a digital photography class with rachel_r3 and wyoming_1 at the Peoria Art Guild on Tuesday nights.  It's a long class, so it's a good thing I have Rachel and Dave there to keep me company.  Otherwise, I might just be tempted to pick my nose and wipe it under the table the whole night.  Kidding, Dave.  Kidding.  And I only kid because I love.  Aww.  (Sidebar: Dave and I totally hugged it out this week in class, and it was the best hug of ALL TIME!)

4.  I joined MySpace and have been joyously reunited with all kinds of fun people from my past, as well as meeting lots of new and interesting friends.  As wonderful as that sounds, by providing you the link, I have just purchased my one-way ticket to hell.  Seriously, don't click it.  And whatever you do, don't click on 'Search' or 'Browse' to try to find people that went to your high school.  And for the love of all that is pure and right in the world, DON'T JOIN.  They might as well have called it www.internetcrack.com.  I'm not sure if that's a real link because I didn't try it out.  So go ahead and click on it - my conscience is clear.  Oh, and if you do decide not to heed my warnings and you join anyway, be sure to tell me so I can add you as my friend.  MUST.  GET.  MORE.  FRIENDS.

5.  I was out all weekend partying.  Yep, I hit a new low, everyone.  I even managed to take a picture of it, but said picture will never see the light of day.  I'm just keeping it for myself as a constant reminder to never get drunk again.  More on that later.

6.  I had a brief, but meaningful, reunion with Mr. X.  Hmm...do I really want to get into a long story about my fomer husband right before bed?  Nah.  But don't lose any sleep over it, faithful readers.  I will tell you all about it soon enough!

So, I hope that begins to explain my absence...though it doesn't explain the weird tingling sensation in my big toe.  OH!  WAIT!  I know what that feeling is!  It's the feeling of my entire toenail getting ready to fall right off!  I can't believe I almost forgot about that!  Lucky me!